The Night I Died.

We were having a res party, there were several “guests” up for the night as my roommate, Sara** had invited her cousin up. Well her brother and a bunch of his friends ended up showing up as well…It was just another carefree party, I was 18 years old carefree and ready to party like everyone else. When you’re that age your invincible, you’ve made it out of high school and you’re in university…nobody can touch you now right? Wrong. Like all my friends in the court I was having a great time, I had taken the time to look my best, curled my hair, did my make-up…living in an all girls house we always did that together…We were over at a friends house drinking and playing games flip cup, kings…all of us were having an awesome time. I thought my roommate’s cousin, rob, was cute so I took the opportunity to have some fun…I mean its university right? Who doesn’t want to have some fun? We were fooling around for a while, going in and out of different houses, partying with different groups of people…before I even realized it I had drank a 26er of rum. We had already been warned by the dons several times for our carrying on, and our guests had been sent to get checked in. We finally decided after the dons were coming back over that we would all go hangout out in my house, so everyone came in and was hanging out downstairs. John, one of the random guys that my roommate’s cousin had brought with him told me that he was sleeping in my bed I was basically like “ummm excuse you? No you aren’t!?!?!” and then he took off upstairs. After a few minutes I decided to go check on him just to make sure he wasn’t actually in my room, I slowly stumbled up the stairs and sure enough he was in my room. I went in and demanded he get out of my bed…he got down and walked over and kissed me I shoved him off and said no, so he turned around and got back into my bed, I figured if I just left him there he’d eventually leave so I left the room. Standing on the landing was rob we starting fooling around again on the landing where he tried to push me into my room I said “no I don’t want to that creepy guy is in there” and he tried to again and once again I said no…he then tried to push me into my housemates room as it was right beside my room. I said no again, obviously I can’t do that it’s my housemate’s room, that’s disgusting. However despite my protest he managed to put me in the room and pushed me onto the bed…and then he left closing the door behind him and holding it shut. I was completely disoriented I wasn’t sure exactly what was going on, and then when Rob and John both walked back into the room together it dawned upon and I knew I had to get out as soon as possible…but by that point it was too late. I started to cry, I said no over and over again…but my pleas were simply useless, they obviously had a plan and I had just become part of it despite any protest I made. They both proceeded to rape me, both vaginally and orally, yet I was in too much shock to really fight back, looking back it may have been for the best because I am still here aren’t I? Rob left the room and I managed to twist free from John and ran out of the room. I ran into my room and ran to the window contemplating whether or not to jump onto the roof. I saw one of my friends from across the court and I called out to him and he came over, so I threw a blanket down to him planning on staying at his house. As he turned to walk away John had come in my room and he forcefully grabbed my ass, I whipped around tears pouring down my face and I hit him, I remember saying “Don’t you ever, ever touch me again” and I ran out of the room and down the stairs. There was a group of guys standing at the front door and my roommate was standing in front of them as you aren’t supposed to be in the court if intoxicated…she opened the door for me and I ran across the court into my friend’s house. I grabbed the blanket, but I still didn’t feel safe. After a minute or two of thinking about my choices I decided to leave, I went to my other friend’s house across the court because we were really close and one of my housemates was over there. I went downstairs and sat on the couch, shaking uncontrollably…My housemate came down to see if I was ok…I said I was fine. But of course she knew better, when she asked me if I wanted a hug I burst into tears all over sobbing uncontrollably as I told her and my friend what had happened. I felt dirty, disgusting, violated, lost, hopeless, like I was the one to blame. The next day we went to the hospital, I went in just to get a pap test, yet when I spoke to the nurse she knew that something was wrong, my blood pressure was extremely elevated and I simply couldn’t look her into the eye. With my permission she called in the sexual assault team from Niagara. I was tested for all STD’s, and took many pills…I was ok with that, however when the Doctor started to tell me about AIDS I broke down all over. How could this be? I was a university student at an innocent party just 12 hours before and now here I was sitting in a cold hospital being told I might have AIDS?!?! I was on medication for a month for AIDS, I didn’t have it, and it was simply a safeguard, raising the T-cells to prevent against infection. I was depressed, unable to attend class, and I’m not going to lie about I had thought about just uitting and going home. It was extremely difficult, especially for my parents, who had felt as though they hadn’t protected me enough. I blamed myself for a long time, and in some aspects I still do. Had I not drank all of that alcohol, had I been responsible, had I not fooled around with someone I hardly knew, maybe I wouldn’t be up here talking to you today. As I have put it before, I didn’t rape myself, I put myself in a position where it could be taken advantage of, and unfortunately the type of guys that would take advantage of it happened to be there that night. On the other hand what happened isn’t what makes me as a person it is simply a small part of it…So I ask you today, be responsible. Obviously you are going to drink, but when you do at least keep your wits about you, know what’s going on in your surroundings, and don’t go places alone at night. Yes I realize this was directed mostly towards girls….but guys it CAN happen to you too. At Brock University alone last year there were 3 sexual assaults, and that was what was reported at 1 university…how many weren’t reported? How many happened elsewhere? I don’t want you to be paranoid, I don’t want you to be holed up in your res all year…just be safe when you do go out. And if it does happen, don’t keep it to yourself, get medical help, and get counseling it does help…honestly I still get flashbacks and nightmares, but not near as much as I did before counseling. Everyone here dealt with it amazingly, from my housemates, to security to the Profs that understood the ordeal I was going through. Just remember the best protection you can have is prevention. I hope you take what I have said into consideration, It may save you a lot of heartache in the future. ** all names fictional.