** This was also wrote back a while ago
The natural human response to danger is FLIGHT or FIGHT, so i wonder how can we possibly determine which one we are? How is it we can train in martial arts for years...and when it matters...when it REALLY matters turn into a disoriented mess? Should fighting not have been engrained into our system??? And i wonder...does this response carry on even though the trauma has already been done? There are people who go through a great deal of pain and suffering and come out completely on top...they turn it into an amazing wonderful powerful thing....and there are others, me, who again turn into a cowardly disoriented mess. So this response, this engrained human response that we have no control over... does it last our whole life? When I'm hurt, when i'm upset, when i'm confused...i run, i hide, and i submit, but this isn't what i was taught, this isn't what i have learned and trained for over and over again. I hate it, I want to stand up and fight, i want control, but my knees...they are too weak, i cannot stand. My heart...is not strong enough, I caznnot fight. My mind...is disoriented, i cannot gain control. I wonder, do they feel the pain, do they suffer as I do? Because I suffer, every single day I do...they say there is a God, they say if you worship this God that you will be a free man, you will be a strong worthwhile person, that God will pick you up and carry you threw the dark times. Well I am in the darkest of prisons like so many before me...Where is this God? Deliver me from evil??? I feel more like you submitted me to it. I am angry and I turn against my family..the ones thaT have been there...but those that made me angry, I can't touch. Everyone says their day will come, what goes around comes around, that karma will reign... I say WHEN? I have been denied, not once, not twice, not three times, but four times... justice? I do not know the word. So, I ask this one simple question Why?
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